


little to win but nothing to lose

by mthslh



Category: The Americans (TV 2013)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Spoilers, Vignette, it isn't pretty, jennings comma elizabeth, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:02:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26621836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthslh/pseuds/mthslh
Summary: Oleg is the one who'd forgotten what happened to pretty Russians who placed their lives in the hands of one Stan Beeman.
Relationships: Stan Beeman/Oleg Burov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	little to win but nothing to lose

Oleg puts his arm around Stan and leans in.

It's important that nobody else hears them. If Stan feels at all pressured by his job, he'll put on a strong face and storm out, run his mouth to the big men at the FBI and ruin Oleg's life more than he already has. He's hardly affected by his personal life in this job, Oleg knows, but he has a soft spot for pretty Russians.

Oleg has changed, though. Three years have softened him, physically and mentally, molded him like clay from an ambitious up-and-coming agent to the kind of person who cares more about trains than his own wife. To the kind of person who _has_ a wife, not a series of men and women to use (and be used by) and then put on a shelf of decent memories. 

(He doesn't have a single decent memory anymore. Nina, Tatiana, and especially Stan are all flavored with guilt in his mind.)

He'd thought the years had changed him enough for Stan to forget, but the older man showed up at the Potomac with a warning a while back. He read into Stan's warning, saw him tender for him like he was for Nina. He'd allowed himself to be taken in that little hotel room, relishing the warmth of another man after so much time married, silencing muffled cries in a pillow as Stan whispered into his skin.

Oleg is the one who'd forgotten what happened to pretty Russians who placed their lives in the hands of one Stan Beeman.

He clutches at Stan's shoulder with his hand and whispers behind his head about what he's really doing in America. The hair on the back of Stan's neck stands up and he shivers. Oleg knows his breath is warm and inviting, and he wishes this were a moment to draw out, to tease. He wishes he wanted to be here. He knows there's a spot right behind Stan's ear, the junction of neck and jaw, that drives him crazy; Oleg wants to lick it, to kiss it, to bury his face in the crook of Stan's neck and make him fall apart.

He'd take the years of prison over being shot by his lover any day, though, so he doesn't do anything. He just whispers his message and hopes Stan gets the subtext.

Stan is silent for a moment. Oleg breathes through his nose, praying that it works, that Beeman gets his message across at the very least. He can't get out of this mess, but Stan could soften the blow.

He tightens his grip on Stan and ghosts a hand over his thigh, and Stan pulls back, looking him in the eye. He sees confusion and contempt in those big brown eyes, and he deflates.

"You want me to send a _coded message_ to the Soviet Union?" Stan is mocking him, loud enough for the microphones to pick up. Oleg pushes himself back, and Stan stands up.

He wants Oleg to decode the message, but even Stan isn't as important as keeping the other man, his wife, his kids safe. They're not condemned yet, and they won't ever be, as long as Oleg can help it. Stan attempts to wrestle more information from him, but it's too late. Oleg is resigned to his fate.

Thirty years of prison, more or less, if he's lucky. His Sasha's whole childhood, the rest of his parents' life. Three decades, two heartbreaks, all thanks to Stan Beeman.

**Author's Note:**

> jesus christ i finished the series and i'm so sad. i bawled my eyes out.  
> this particular scene felt so intimate... like estranged lovers..... it just spilled from my mind. practically wrote itself.  
> as such, it is lightly edited. sorry it isn't much to look at, but the scene was so stuck in my head.
> 
> title from incense and peppermints by strawberry alarm clock. it fits the story perfectly and it was stuck in my head while writing.


End file.
